The Day the Music Died

Okay so the title may be a little dramatic, but in a sense a part of me definitely died a year ago.  A man I loved with all my heart and that was there for me all my life finally went to be with the Lord.

It was typical Sunday.  We had just finished eating at the mall and on the way back to Bass Pro Shop. Owen was convinced he was getting a toy (not going to happen) and Eli was being swung in between David and I as we walked.  I remember laughing and having a huge smile on my face when my phone rang.  I answered my sister with laughter in my voice only to hear sobs and fear in hers.  I remember distinctly how I felt as I heard the words "Dad has had a heart attack."  There was no more
  information at the time and that she would call me later.  I hung up and went to David and said the best I could that we needed to go home.  He held me as I choked out the words to him.  The rest is a blur as I went to the car.  I remember vaguely David trying to explain to Owen that we did not have time to get him a truck and that Partner had a heart attack.  As I was putting Owen in his car seat I got all the questions of a 5 year old.  Why would someone attack Partner's heart?  Couldn't Partner just karate chop him out?  And the whole time I was praying that Jehovah Rapha (the God of healing) would heal my daddy.  As we got home and I was getting more calls with little information I started randomly trying to pack bags and David was finishing up some work so we could leave for a week.  Then I got the dreaded call from my brother Josh.  Unfortunately for Josh he takes on the roll of the bearer of bad news.  It was only months before that he called me in Kuwait to let me know that Granmommie had passed away.  I hear the dreaded words "Dad is dead."

My mind was in a fog.  I remember not being sure how to respond.  I have never been in a situation like this before.  I know I have seen reactions on movies.  I was in a fog.  My mind was jumbled and spinning.  I chose to yell at him that he was making it up and that it wasn't true.  Realizing it really wasn't what I wanted to say, but saying it anyway.  He was mad that I would accuse him of making up something so awful or that he was lying.  I don't remember anything else, but realizing that God did not answer my prayers.  And that I felt alone.  From there somehow I managed to pack, what did I pack I have no clue, and kept asking David when we could leave.   A big storm was rolling in and we needed to get out.  I kept looking at plane tickets, but I couldn't make the timing work with leaving the house and getting to the airport in time.  But I see why now, for we would have never flown out.  Not for two days.  Houston flooded with the storm, again.  We drove to Dallas to stop for the night.  I cried the whole time. And when I didn't think I could cry anymore the song "Tell Your Heart to Beat Again" by Danny Gokey came on the radio.  My head hurt and I could barely see out my puffy eyes.  I tried to pull it together as I checked into the hotel.  Thinking I looked normal, but wondering why the lady was being extra nice and the people around were staring at me.  When we got the room I understood.  I truly looked like a raccoon.  I have never seen mascara so bad.  And it was waterproof.  Apparently waterproof mascara cannot hold up to the tears of grief.  It was a sleepless night.

The next morning we completed the drive.  We came through the south of Arkansas intending to take a different route at Little Rock through Heber Springs to get to Mt. View.  But I missed the turn and I found myself along a familiar path that my dad, my brother, and I traveled a many time.  It was full of memories that I wasn't ready to embrace at the time.  But realizing it was good, for this would probably be the last time I would travel this road.  The day ahead and the days to come were not easy

for me.  Family and friends helped ease the pain.  But the most important ease was prayer.  A peace, a comfort came over me that I would not know without the love of Jesus.  A peace that reminded me that even though God did not answer my prayer for healing, he still heard me and answered my prayer for peace.  A peace that I would need to remember existed in the days and months to come.  A peace that reminds me today that God is in control.  That He knows what he is doing even when my heart is breaking and that He alone can fix it.

One of the most important lessons I have learned this last year is that there is only life and light in Jesus.  He will not let me wallow in darkness if I don't want to be there.  He will pull me out.  He will show me the way.  There is no shame, guilt, or regret in Heaven.  Only here on the fallen earth.  And the guilt or regret that wants to consume me is satan trying to take his hold on me.   One day I will be welcomed with a warm embrace from my earthly father and heavenly father.  And I long for the day to come.  (no I am not suicidal.)  In the mean time I will enjoy my family and friends and the time I have hear on this earth and remember that life is futile.  I recall the day after a talk on faith that my dad said "Who would have ever thought this would be my Abigail?"  I will continue to live my life for Christ with the values and virtues and life lessons that my dad has taught me.

I love you daddy and miss you dearly.  You will forever be in my heart, with a reserved spot that no one can fill.   

Something to Talk About

This past month has been a complete world wind.  We went from living in Kuwait to moving 6,000 miles across the world to Houston.  At the beginning of this past month I worried that this move was not in God's plan.  One thing I know for certain is that I do NOT want to step out of His plan for my life.

I am going to back up a bit to this summer.  The boys and I came back to Arkansas for about 6 weeks this summer.  I was ready to be out of Kuwait and go back to something clean, beautiful, and normal. The trip did not go as planned.  Really nothing in life goes as planned, but that doesn't stop us from trying to control it.  I went back to Kuwait with the impression that God wanted me to embrace my circumstances and make the best of a difficult country.  I have a blog post planned for my year in Kuwait and I will write more there about the pros and cons of Kuwait.  So, I came back with a renewed and refreshed spirit.  I was upbeat, as much as I could be, and was looking forward to the next year.  And then a possibility of a move came up.  I was in doubt.  Was this in God's plan?  We figured it would be around December and give Owen and Eli time to finish up the first term of school and give me time to get my stuff in order.  Then, the roller coaster started and still hasn't ended.

On September 22nd David got word that their was a position he was wanted for back in Houston.  And that he needed to start fairly quickly.  Let me try to put this into a better time frame for you.  Sept. 22 was the start of the Muslim holiday Eid.  That means the country shuts down.  So we went from a country that moves fairly slow to a country that is in complete stand still.  Meanwhile, America is still moving at its fast pace.  David was off work until the following Monday.  So everything was still moving forward in Houston for him to come to work.  He went back to work in Kuwait on Monday morning and told his team he was transferring and then flew out that night to start his work, while the boys and I stayed behind.  We stayed behind so that I could work on packing and selling stuff and saying all my final goodbyes.  David came back to Kuwait three weeks later to pack up the house, do a handover at work, and say goodbye.  We flew out of Kuwait on October 23rd.  So when I say the past month has been a world wind I am not kidding.  We are now in a hotel and about to move into a house this weekend.  Still have nothing but the 7 bags we flew over with but hey God will provide.  And now I want to write about how God has been with me every step of the way so that I am not able to doubt Him!

• I had and still do have a Bible study group that is praying for me
• I managed to sell everything that needed to be sold to move, including a car that needed a lease taken over.  We thought we were going to have to pay a 4 month penalty and then at the last minute on the last day (Thursday when we fly out Friday) was taken over
• I was able to say goodbye to everyone
• David arrived back in Kuwait and we were able to pack our stuff within two days with two days prior of planning for the packers to come.  And schedule our flight home.  
• I was worried about David having too much time and too many options to pick a house.  Less choices is better sometimes.  And God knows.  He had it were we were only allowed to look for one day and had to make a choice.
• We found a car easily within our budget and quickly.  
• And then when we were trying to figure out how to get our money from Arkansas to Texas for the purchase a way was provided.   
• David's dad was able to come down and help with the boys long enough for us to look at houses and to pick a car.  
• I managed to pack everything I needed for two weeks of hotel living without having to run to the store, except for some underwear.  :)
• God has met the financial needs for this move.  
• God knowing I need friends has already helped meet one with two boys.  
• God has provided ways for David and I to meet in the middle on everything so that we don't argue.  

Now some of you may count this up to luck or karma, but not I.  I believe in the true I AM and know that He is with me every step of this journey.  As He has been with me in all my past journeys.  He knows my needs, desires, and worries.  He squelches them before I even have a chance to make them into a mountain.  And even in the midst of being alone in a hotel with two boys God is still speaking to me.  The Bible study group I left behind was starting the study of Ruth.  I so wanted to do this study with them.  So last night I went and bought the study so I could do it here, 6,000 miles away and 9 hours difference.  And of course God knew what I needed.  As a verse has stuck with me today.  "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."  Gal. 6:9  And giving up is not in my vocabulary.  And a parting verse by Matthew Henry "It is our wisdom to make the best of that which is, for it is seldom that changing our place is mending it."  

Jet Lag is the Pits

We have been back in Kuwait for almost a week.   People would think that over four years and countless travel that jet lag would get easier, but it does not.  You start to figure out a few tricks to help it a bit, but really all that does is lessen it from two weeks to about 7-10 days.  The worst would be when traveling back to Moscow in the winter.  It is dark all the time.  Which makes it hard to wake up.  The result being that you are up all night and go to sleep around 5 am and then wake around 2 pm if you are lucky.  It takes a good 10-14 days.  It is one of those so tired moments where you can barely open your eyes and you keep trying but seem to can't keep them open.  So you go back to sleep.  But Moscow in the summer was much easier.  With it being daylight till 11pm you just whisk the kids to the park.  The last trip to Moscow took 3 days!  I think it is a record!  And I have found in Kuwait it seems to be okay.  For now.  At least in the summer.  We just go to the pool and let the energy burn off.

For all of you that might not understand jet lag here a few things about it, particularly if you have kids:

• kids are not on the same schedule.  one is up at midnight ready to go to bed at 2 when the other is just waking up at 2 and manages to keep the other one up so they don't go to sleep.  
• they want to be in your bed and four do not fit in a queen sized bed
• you could continue to sleep if your kids weren't waking up (at different times)
• and naturally you wake when the kids are sleeping, so when they wake you want to sleep
• you can't take a sleeping pill to help you get back on schedule
• you are hungry at very odd times
• if you don't get the kids to sleep before the sun rises you are screwed. SCREWED!
• you are a walking zombie
• you feel completely dragged and have no energy to leave the house, but if you don't leave the house then you are screwed
• and you need milk or food and have to go to the store :(
• because you are hungry
• you need friends to help.  playdates are the best
• there is nothing on tv at 2, 3, 4 am
• how do you entertain kids at 2, 3, 4 am when your husband is trying to sleep because he has to go back to work the next day
• the kids and you are extra cranky from the lack of sleep
• and right when you think you have conquered it, it rears its ugly head again
• oh and did I mention you are hungry.  I mean seriously at the most odd times
• in the midst of all of this you still have to unpack, which is awful, because you have 5 duffel bags of stuff that you brought back
• and then you have to find a place for it all.  there is still a pile in the living room that has not made it to a home yet
• then you have stuff in a pile for other people that asked you to pick up stuff for them, and you have to continually tell your kids that it is not theirs and they don't need to touch it.  But why momma?  BECAUSE!!!!

I am sure there are more that I am not thinking of at the moment.  Thankfully we are past our jet lag.  And are ready to start the week in a bit of normalcy.  We shall see how it goes.  

Sleep tight!!!

Raising Eli

My baby boy is turning TWO today!  TWO!!!  I feel like it was yesterday that I was giving birth to him in a not so desirable Russian hospital.  With a not so desirable labor and delivery.

It has been an adventure raising two boys.  Anybody with boys can understand what I mean even without me elaborating.  But elaborate a bit I will.  Actually, as I write this Owen is taking a plastic helicopter where the blades move with a push of a button to my hair.  Because we all know I want my hair stuck in a helicopter just like Owen and Eli had a train stuck in theirs.  And what does Owen say, "Mom I'm making your hair beautiful."  I digress, where was I?  Oh that's right elaborating on the adventure.  The boys don't stop.  They climb, they jump, they get into messes (cooking, water, toys, really anything.)  They love to play outside and will get to demanding it.  They don't want to sleep and then chat the night away when it is time to sleep.  They have many bumps and bruises and I know many more will come.

Since it is Eli's birthday I am going to go into more detail on him.  This boy!  This boy!  Oh how I love this boy!  He loves to cuddle.  He will stand up out of his chair, pull you over, and pat his chair and say "Sit!  Sit!"  As soon as you sit he will crawl up into your lap.  Of course this is not only his PBK chair it is really any chair.



When I am eating, or if he was awake right now he would be helping me type this.  He loves hugs.  Will give you tons of kisses.  But if you ask for it he will say "NO!"  Then give you one.  He loves to eat.  And will try new things.  He prefers the food on your plate compared to his own.  (He might have gotten that from me.)  Then you give him something he loves to eat and he will tell you no with a vibrant jerk of his head and sealed mouth.

He loves the water!  If there is water he is in it.  Regardless of the weather, what he is wearing, or where it is.

He loves to have his feet rubbed before bed.  And loves books.  He will tell you which one he wants and won't let you read one he doesn't.  And sometimes will end a book early for you with "All Done!"  as he snaps it close.  He loves mommy, but nobody compares to daddy.

He doesn't like strangers and will give them a grumpy look if you try to touch him or talk to him.  Which is a problem for him in this country.  All these people want to take a picture of him and he is crying and yelling in everyone of them.  He approaches stuff as a three year old.  I guess that is because he has an older brother.  He climbs way too well for a two year old.  People that don't know him worry about him on the playground and then quickly see that he has it covered.

He has a great love for his brother.  He always wants to make sure Owen has the same thing he does.  But he will also bite and hit his brother when "Owen mean."  He loves to play trains and cars and trucks with Owen.  He loves to chase Owen around the house yelling "ROAR" like a dinosaur.

He will copy anything Owen does.  This is not always good.  Actually it usually is not good.

He loves loves loves the lollipop!

Every morning when I am getting dressed he hands me my shoes and then puts a pair on.

One of my favorite things is how Eli loves to sing.  He loves it.  He will sing any song even if he doesn't know the words.  But some of his favorites are "Row Row Your Boat," "Baa Baa Black Sheep," and "This is the day."  He will do the finger motions for "Where is Thumbkin."  He will dance and smile and laugh.  And he has these deep belly laughs.  And he loves to talk.  Both my children love to talk.  Now where did they get that from???

He is embracing turning two with many temper tantrums.


This baby is a joy to be around.  He is completely different from Owen (rightfully so) but then similar in so many ways.  Oh how I love him.

Keeping it real: sleeping

Sometimes I wonder if I should write my blog due to unsolicited advice and input.  It gets me down.  I was about ready to write a new post and was halted by this, and then this morning during my run the podcast I was listening to reminded me that laughter is the best medicine.  And if you can't laugh at life then it will be a long journey.  So lets continue to keep it real and this time with sleeping and children.

Bedtime is the pits!!!!  I love bedtime for it is the end of the day and I can finally have a bit of me time, but then also you have to get them to sleep.

Every mom at some point has had trouble with their children sleeping.  Either you are a new mom and are unsure or you are more experienced and just when you think you have it all under control you are humbly put back into place.  Now if you are a mom that has never had problems, I don't want to hear it.  ;)

I strongly believe in the cry it out method.  It worked wonders with both kids.  At some point they slept through the night and even went to bed on their own.  Of course these things change.  When we had Eli, Owen started climbing out of his crib.  That was my end.  So for the past two years he has been in our bed about half way through the night.  Recently I started a ticket system and he is starting to sleep in his own bed.  Now he has days where he will tell me that he doesn't want to earn a ticket and will just sleep with mommy and daddy.  Sure!  Whatever!  I am too tired to argue.

Let's back track a bit.  The boys don't want to go to bed.  Of course that would mean all the fun for the day has ended.  And of course they have to sleep alone.  If David is home we divide and conquer and it is a bit easier but not always.  So we will talk as if David is not home yet.

Eli is old enough now to understand that he wants to sleep with Owen.  He runs into Owen's room and jumps into his bed.  If you walk in he will quickly put his head down on the pillow and pretend to snore.  You then say this is not his bed.  He scrambles out and runs to my bed.  Again, Eli this is not your bed.  You then proceed to carry him crying to his bed.  He can have a book and a song, but eventually you must leave him to cry and go to Owen.  Why does Owen get more attention?  One reason:  he can get out of bed.  He will walk around, open Eli's door, get toys, but not stay in his bed. So you let Eli cry and lay with Owen.  Now this is the time of day that Owen has everything to say.  He doesn't stop talking.  I will say about a thousand times "Shhh"  "Lay your head down"  "Let's go to sleep."  Eventually he will drift off and then I am on to my bed.  Of course for this time at night I have all these plans of things to get done while the kids are sleeping, but I am so stinking tired that I fall asleep in no time.  Really I am not kidding.  David wants to watch tv and I can't seem to keep my eyes open.  That's why these posts are so far apart.  In fact writing about this makes me want to go crawl into bed instead of writing.

Let's talk during the night:  Owen whines in his sleep.  He talks in his sleep and sometimes cries.  He likes milk all night long and these are things I can do and have done pretty much sleeping.  Eli on occasion will cry to where you have to go comfort him.  This is probably the worst.  You can't just crawl into the crib and go to sleep with him, so you are stuck laying on the floor or standing over the crib.  And of course you react quickly going to him so you never think to pee before going in.  So now you realize you have to pee terribly and are stuck and extremely tired.  Eli will sleep just light enough to know if you are trying to escape and yell "no, no, no!"  And from the beginning I have learned to always take my phone with me to either room when they wake.  Because you could be stuck for ages and realize you just needed a little something to do while you wait impatiently for them to go back to sleep.

I do not believe their is a great solution for sleeping.  One day they will both be in their bed, probably together and sleeping fine and I might get some sleep.  For now I am TIRED!  Because they must always get up at 6, 7 if I am lucky.   For all you more experienced parents.  Yes I know I will look back on  these moments and enjoy them and will miss the time that I got to sleep with them.  But honestly all I see is now through my tired red eyes and completely fine with wishing they could sleep in their own bed and go to sleep easily.

Keeping it Real

Today I am going to do something a bit different.  The more moms I talk with I realize that we are all living in a delusional  land.  We are comparing ourselves to mommy bloggers and moms on Facebook  that make everything seem rosy all the time.  Well guess what, it isn't.  So I am going to write today about my most common struggles with Owen.  I have plenty with Eli but since Owen is older there are more things I expect from him.  I will try to inject as much humor as I can, because I was raised if you can't laugh at then it is going to be a really long road.  And don't worry I will go back to writing about my experiences in Kuwait as well.

Owen CANNOT seem to keep his underwear dry.  It seems nearly impossible for him.  We call them dundies, so that is how they will be referred to from hear on out.  He must be potty trained for school.   Now thank goodness the school realizes their will be accidents and ask for an extra pair of clothes in his school bag.  And are there ever accidents.  Not everyday but most days.  Actually everyday at home but at least not everyday at school.  My real goal is to keep them dry at school to have the illusion that he is mastered at this.  I do not why it is so hard for him.  But it is.  It is mainly because he will not stop whatever he is doing to go to the toilet.  He is perfectly fine with being wet.  As he says "It will dry mom."

Today when I picked him up from school he was dry.  Praise the Lord!  We walk out to the car and as he is getting into the car he looks at me and says, "I think I peed my pants."  Really!  No Joke!  You're kidding!  So I make him get out of the car and go back into school to use the toilet.  Oh and did I forget to mention as he just admitted to peeing his pants he tells me that he doesn't need to go.  So we shouldn't go back into the school.  Owen never pees the whole way in his pants.  It is always the start (quite a bit of a start) and then he finishes in the toilet when I push him that way.  So he needs to go to the toilet.

In the car on the way home he says "Mom I always pee my pants!"  I am nodding my head.  I mean what do you say to this.  I then ask "Why can't we change that statement Owen?  Let's say I always use the toilet or I always keep my dundies dry."  Owen:  "Because mom I always pee my pants."

I give up!

Oh and at these times he likes to request to watch the Daniel Tiger Neighborhood episode on pottying to remind him that he should stop what he is doing to go to the toilet.  He usually pees his pants during the show.

It is little distractions.  "Oh I need to go potty."  On the way he will see a drink and say "but first I must drink juice."  Pretty sure that is not how it works Owen.  But okay buddy.  This is why I am in no rush to potty train Eli.  He may be in diapers forever.  :)

I know Owen will eventually get it.  Probably next year.  I hope!  He does have dry days and does better when not at home.  But yes I pack more clothes for him when out than Eli.   I have tried rewards, punishments, taking things away, bribery, you name it.  I am not really looking for advice here.   I just hope people found humor in this and realize that no mom is perfect.  And maybe someone else will even step forward with their mommy struggle of day, week, year.

Camel Races

Last Saturday some friends asked us to go to the camel races with them.  We thought sure, why not?  One thing I have learned living in a foreign country is that everything is an adventure.  Especially with children.  And this is not just Kuwait, this was the same in Russia also.

We must drive out to Kabd to go the camel races.  We are caravanning so we don't get lost.  Well as everything here the directions are in Arabic and of course they don't correspond to google maps or a garmin.  So of course we get lost.  We drive quite a bit out of the way, enough that Owen points out several times that we are in the desert.  Why yes Owen we are.  We live in the desert.  The further out you get the more trash you see and interesting sites.  We saw at least 2 burned up cars.  I guess if they wreck in the desert they BURN!!!

And their were many people stuck in the sand.  They didn't want to wait for the next U turn spot so they thought they could just drive through the sandy medium.  Well it is deeper than they thought.  And then of course lots of trash and some of who knows what is going on?  We followed the directions to a road that was newly paved for about 500 feet and then ended to desert.  Nice road to nowhere.

And then you find a bit of God's beauty in the midst of it all.  

So we head back in the other direction and take a different route.  We have a feeling we are headed in the right direction now because we started seeing camels, places you can ride camels, and random stuff for sale on the side of the road.

We finally arrive at the camel races.  Nothing like being greeted in the lobby by a stuffed baby camel.

We proceed upstairs to sit.  The first two sections are for the Arabic men.  There are no women there unless you are a foreigner.  We sat over far to the left.  The camels race around and have a robot on their back that will whip them.  A man came over and claimed this is a family sport since they only whip at the beginning and the end.  The owners drive around in their trucks with a remote to control the robot.  

You can also go outside and watch them cross the finish line.  David snapped this great shot of Eli and me.  Obviously someone has discovered their nose.

It was apparently a VIP day at the race tracks.  A member of the royal family showed up, so they did special things that day.  We lucked out.  They gave free drinks and rolled out red carpet.  And did some ceremonies that I don't understand.

This little boy was really getting down with the music.  It was only performers outside and then him over to the side dancing like I don't have a care in the world and I will do what I please.

 And here we are at the end.  Eli wanted to go outside and see the 'amels.'  He loves camels.

After all was done with the award ceremony everybody fled super fast.  I still had to take Owen to the bathroom and everybody was gone and picked up.  It is something that I will do again and I am glad I did it at least once.  Owen wants to go the camel races everyday.  I am not sure he actually watched the races.  He spent most of the time running around like a chicken with his head cut off.  Of course so did Eli and our friends kids.  It was great and I am surprised that I am able to write about seeing camel races.  I am pretty sure this Arkansan never thought she would be writing about most of the stuff she does.